JOURNEY BEFORE JUNE

After 8 years, im finally gonna get to see LIFEHOUSE play the soundtrack of my life live.

This is such a big thing for me because their songs have really become the background music of my life throughout the last 8 years.  Eversince they became big with Hanging by a Moment, they have been an ever present echo in my ears.  Those who are close to me know just how influential Lifehouse’s music is to me.  Just how the songs have inspired and comforted me through all that ive gone through.  Weird as it is, ive had heartbreaking story after hearbreaking story the last 8 years.  And through all of those, Lifehouse has helped keep me sane and hopeful.

The songs Hanging by a Moment, Sick Cycle Carousel, Spin, Everything, Breathing, Blind, Take Me Away, Come Back Down, Undone, Walking Away, Days go By and others more have been an accompanyment through sadness, happiness, moments of inspirations, despair, pain, love, realizations, silliness, idiocracy, wisdom and joy.  They tell a story, they tell my story in most ways.  If you listen to these songs, i am confident that you will end up knowing who Jairus is and how his journey has been the past few years. 

Now, the songs First Time, Whatever it Takes, Disarray, From Where You Are, Who We Are and Make Me Over continues to tell the stories that i am too limited to tell.  The feelings and emotions that i cant express.  The pain that i keep carrying inside my frickin heart.  The smile that keeps on constricting its beat whenever i see it.  The girl that got away.  The words that were spoken.  The "all of it."

I am convinced that Lifehouse’s songs will always, always be that music i hear throughout the rest of my life. 

Saturday, July 26th, i’ll see them play.  And im pretty sure, i will see my life flash through my eyes with each rocking ballad, sheepish rock anthem, every strum, every beat, every bass line, every pause, every shout of the crowd.  And i will absolutely love every single solitary second of it. 

Ill leave you guys with the lyrics to their new single, "Make Me Over"

Wrap my arms around your name
Feel your breath against my pain
As i breathe out
The past is gone
Empty smile
Naked heart
Who I was, falls apart
When you’re here
Inside of me
Feel till your numb
Depth perception becoming
The new deaf and dumb

I’m losing myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes
Pull me in, take me out, make me over

Read the wave, ride your fears
In this ocean of years
We’ve been here
Swiming on
Take me deep, till I find
Every corner of your mind
We’ve been here
Swiming on

Touch, till you taste
All the time
We are wasting alone
Waiting here

I’m losing myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes
Pull me in, take me out,
make me over, and shout me out loud,
Shout me out loud

I’m losing myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes
I’m losing myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Pull me in, take me out, make me over 

heads up, heads up..

i am foregoing the Jairus you’ve known..

and am living a new brand of life..

i will stop caring.. i will stop thinking of what others think..

no boundaries.. no restrictions..

come what may…

Heres the 2nd batch.

Lauren - Where do i start?  You are one special lady.  From the moment i saw you at that music room back in s.u. high, i knew you were special.  And when you told me you liked me too, man, words could not describe how i felt.  It was like a dream.  Too good to be true kinda thing.  I look back to those days that you were (pardon me for the cliche) mine.  Those days that i could hold your hand, mess up your hair, give you a hug, text you all day long, call you up at night, get beat by you when we ate pizza, drive around the city with your scent in my nose, man… I remember those times and cant help but think of the word perfect.  It was every bit as perfect as it could have ever been.  Well, since this is meant to be so i can say things that i could never say, here’s some shockers for you.  I’d get back with you back in a heartbeat, I considered asking you to marry me before you left for the states (but you were only 16 then, so that would have scared you more than anything probably), and as foolish as i am, i probably still would ask you to now.  I almost went after you when you suddenly left for Manila without saying goodbye, it was that close. Im pretty much hung up on you still i guess.  Congratulate Ben for me.=)

Michelle - what i dont understand is why are you with who you are with right now..?!?!  Was i that good that you would rather have someone who (i assume) is bad?  I think that not too many would disagree when i say that you’d be better off with me than him.  Your sister would probably agree with me too.  I still dont get you up till now.  But what i hope for you now is that you REDISCOVER that Jesus is who you should be WITH first before anyone else.  I could only hope and pray that you beautifully cute eyes would be opened.. and now, for good.

Joyce - hey butter’fly.. you crack us up like no other. hahah..=)  love the way you just light up the room with your infectious laughter and light heartedness.  Im glad we met and are friends.  I will always remember the night we got to talk and i got to encourage you to get right with the Lord.  And our near ACCIDENTS! hahah.  We almost either died or got hospitalized a few times while driving around the city for those who dont know.. hahah..=)  Glad you are goin back to SU to finish up school.  Im always just here for you, and hope you know that il go out of my way to help and be there for you sis.  just like the old dumaguete days.

I have invested my life in a number of people over the course of my existence.  None more meaningful than the last 6 or 7 years with most of them being in the family of Believers.  Here are the things that i cant say, but am gonna say now to some of those people.

Chairein - This sister has "plagued" my life since 2nd year college if i remember correctly.  Especially since we started taking the same subjects because we had the same course.  For a good 3 years we were practically inseparable.  Saturday was probably the only day i didnt see you back then (if we didnt have worship/youth practice or activities.)  I must admit that at first you annoyed me alot.  You mumbled and blurted out words more than half the time.  Hahah.  You always, always asked me what i was doing with regards to school stuff. hahah.  I know you’ll deny it, but we know! hahah.  Its sad that when we graduated, you somehow changed.  You didnt seem to wanna hang out with us anymore.  Which was very evident when you came back that one founder’s day.  You were my bestfriend in college besides Fritz.  and now, we barely communicate, and when we do, its just not the same anymore.  It feels like we’re two different people now and our friendship feels more like an acquaintance.

Fritz - bro, we had a good run in college.  So many ups and downs.  I remember we were really tight from the 1st year.  We hung out every frickin day, scavenging for food, walking around the campus, laughing and hanging out.  We had our ups and downs.  My first Christian bud in college.  Ive seen you through your best and worst man, and youve seen both sides of me as well.  I genuinely miss you bro, i wish that we both kept strong during our college years and represented the Lord with undying fire and not just with flickers that died out from time to time.  I know you love the Lord bro, i know there was a time that you were throwing your life away for alcohol and chicks, but i knew deep inside, you know that you needed God.. you needed Jesus in your life more.  I know because there was one night in cebu when we were both goin out to clubs and we both looked at each other and at that moment, we both realized we were messing up and yet we kept at it. Bro, i hope you are doin well now, wherever you may be and whatever you may be doing.  Always here for you man.

Lina - gosh, you are just one of the best girls i know in the whole wide world that our Glorious God has created.  From the moment we met, you and i just clicked huh?  We had an awesome friendship.  I miss that so much.  I remember those times we hung out and had fun.  The dinners at your house, the game nights, the kids running around and climbing us like trees (well, im more like a bonsai).  Its so unfair that one day could change that so frickin much.  That long drive, the movie, and the infamous drive in the rain.  That was memorable, that was classic.  One of the happiest days of my life actually.  and yet, after that, we’ve never been the same huh?  We dont even text now.  I barely know anything about you when before i knew secrets (well maybe not alot but some).  Still, you are one of the best girls in the world.  You always will  be special no matter what. 

Sarah Pirolo - you scare me. hahah. seriously though, we had fun didnt we? there was some drama, but overall, we had fun hanging out.  You’ve always been nice to me and i appreciate all the nice things you’ve done for me.  Those green eggs at 5 in the morning will forever haunt my soul.  hahah..=)  and that autographed Phil Wickham Cd is awesome.  thanks again for that! Thank you for liking the songs i write and even learning to play them.  You are a true friend.

Saree - i dont know how we’ve gotten to this place.  we have drifted so far apart.  i remember how close we were in college.  Hayahay days.  Drives in the car.  the awesome Cebu outreach.  the long talks.  the petty tampuhans.  those were our good old days.  Now, we barely even talk.  And i dont know why, but i just grew tired of you ignoring me randomly.  I honestly dont know what to make out of this.  I have apologized for everything that was done before, and i no longer know how to get back what we had before.

Anelotz - i miss your warm hugs.  your smiling while crying moments.  your fervent worship unto the Lord.  I hope you are good in cebu.  I heard what happened to you and Rey, all i can say is, if the Lord has ordained it, then nothing and no one can break it.  I hope to see you soon and hang out and have fun and go on foodtrips!  I hope you can still finish a whole pitcher of iced tea by your self.. hahah..=)

Rey - i dont know why but for some reason, i look at you bro and see someone who is unsure or himself.  Yes, on the outside you seem driven and determined.  You have a goal that you are pursuing.  And thats understandable.  But is it what the Lord wants you to do for your life? to own cars, houses, expensive cellfones and such?  All those are good, dont get me wrong, but i somehow get the vibe that you have focuses so much on the material and that the spiritual is not as deep as it was before. ( i understand because i am going through some struggles as well.)  Bro, i know you have responsibilities and stuff, but to whom is your main responsibility? Remember that verse that says blessed is the man who leaves his family for the sake of Me?

Ed - you have been an awesome example of the phrase "from glory to glory.."  I remember when you were a new believer, you were very enthusiastic, but you always did questionable things while thinking that it was ok.  hahah.  Those times that you said things that just left me and KJ thinking and scratching our heads.  hahah. but now bro, you have matured.  God has used you and is using you everyday to reach out to the lost and those who have gone astray.  keep at it bro.  keep at it.=)

… il end this first installment here..=)

Artist: Between The Trees
Album: The Story And The Song
Year: 2006
Title: A Time For Yohe

As she sits in the corner
face to the floor
she dispels smoke from from her lips
and slowly floats away with it
letting go of so much pain
her tears are thick enough to stain
the pavement that slowly becomes
her best friend when she needs to run away

This is your time to weep
This is your time to morn
Not yet time to build up
Just a time to tear down
old walls

Does it help to say I’m sorry
If so than I’m sorry that your so unhappy
This life those lies are starting get you down
Darling don’t let them drag you around
Saying "it’s my fault" doesn’t help repeated
Time love and Jesus seems to beat it
She’ll find out this is harder than
Taking medicine

We’re still waiting for the fire
Seeing smoke and waiting for the fire

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn’t even know
Now there’s a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know that I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I’ll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we’re gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know that I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I’ll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I’d be lost without you and never find myself
Let’s hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I’ll keep us together whatever it takes

.. im tired of being alone.. its been a lil more than way too long… so… hurry up and get here… please…=)

23 is almost done and over with.. well, it was promising, but as like most promises (especially in my life).. it sucked in the end..

new beginnings.. less cares.. less worries.. im’a live like its my last… and if you think its nuts.. well.. deal with it… hah…

6 more shifts, 7 more days. thats whats left of my dumaguete days. yes. for all those who dont know yet, i am, in fact, leaving the dumaguete bubble. now you know. im headin back to my old stomping grounds. the city lights and traffic jams. i still cant believe im leaving. its surreal. its scary. but it has to be done. atleast thats what i know for now. il be back though. the question is, will there be anything to il come back to? will i get my heart back when i get back? i could only hope so. that is all i have right now, a small, bleak, barely-beating window of hope. thats all i have, and that will have to suffice for now…